RESILIENCE – “sí, se puede!”, whatever you believe will become your truth and your North Star. “It’s okay to take a taxi” = self-care, knowing and doing what is best for me on my journey and not according to a prescription or set of standards. Differentiate and personalize your journey because it is your journey and not someone else’s. Show up always giving your best, and the best will always show up for you.
The origin of the word RESILIENCE: (Etymonline)
“Resilience” is from the 1620s, “act of rebounding,” from Latin resiliens, present participle of resilire “to rebound, recoil,” from re- “back” (see re-) + salire “to jump, leap” (see salient (adj.)). Compare result (v.). Meaning “elasticity” is from 1824.”
There has been so much research done on resilience to determine what makes someone “succeed” or triumph in the face of adversity. As well, there have been many connections made between our level of happiness and well-being as correlated to our level of resilience. You ask most people what they want most in life, and they say “to be happy”. And, for me, there are as many definitions and pathways to happiness as there are people in the world. Perhaps that is what I finally found on the Camino was true happiness…bliss. I found my way back to my True Self and the core of my (well) being. And the truth is that since returning from the Camino, I have lost my way a couple of times when there were big life changes and challenges. Fear came up again, and I had to be curious and discover new ways to cope with those fears by getting out of my mind and checking in with my heart through courage to find the “right” answers that would work for me. I was stretched beyond my comfort zone of beliefs and best practices, but through courage and all the aspects of SPIRIT that I am talking about in this book, I have been able to take leaps of faith to bounce back from all adversity. SPIRIT creates the elasticity I need to cope, survive and overcome so that I can take that next step into my well-being.
What does it mean to “triumph in the face of adversity”? Here are some interpretations of this expression through my “lentes”. First of all, adversity comes from the Latin word “advertere” meaning “to turn towards”. (etymonline.com). So, we can’t run away or hide from what is difficult or true, but rather we must “turn toward” it. I see the word “try” in “triumph”, so we must try…multiple attempts to learn from mistakes. To “face” means to look at ourselves in a mirror and reflect. Go within and look for answers. Check in with our feelings and our heart (remember the vagus nerve that goes from the head to the heart?) As well, one can always see the emotions one is feeling on their face (at least, mine is always a dead giveaway!) And then, there is “add a verse” to our story through adversity. So, the pieces I put together for a bigger picture and meaning of this saying is that we have to try to look ourselves in the face, reflect on our emotions and what is “coming up” from our heart to our head through the vagus nerve and through this process, we are able to add another verse to the poetry of our life story! In there lies hope for me and my interpretation! It is personalized and meaningful and inspiring to me!
In teaching, students who give up easily or don’t even try are just stuck. Teachers are the same. People are the same. They are turning away instead of turning toward. They are not facing their FEAR (Feeling Every Added Regret). They may be frozen by anxiety or defeated by negative self-talk. (Again, the popularity of the movie and song, Frozen?) Their brains are reeling a ticker tape of “shoulda-coulda-wouldas”! Regardless, they are armored up, immobile and operating from a place of fear. When someone is not coping well at all, we say that they have had a “major melt down”. That’s good because now we won’t be frozen anymore. Ice doesn’t flow, but water does! We need to learn that fear is okay and a natural thing when faced with something new, challenging and/or unknown. That’s where allowing for curiosity, discovery and adventure comes in the learning process. If we try to prescribe, script and control all the variables, steps and pathways along the learning journey, we are conditioning children to the idea that there is only one way to do something and only one right answer (on a discreet item test), and that if they don’t learn that way or if they don’t take those exact same steps (my steps and my way), then, they are never going to be successful/get there/be right/be enough!!! No wonder there is so much anxiety, depression and shadow-side feelings coming up for everyone! Research shows that one of the most prevalent characteristics of someone who overcomes adversity and demonstrates resilience is courage. Again, courage comes from “coeur”, the heart. When we have a false “school SPIRIT” and are not following our hearts, we are sure to get lost. BUT, there is always hope and a light inside us that will show us the way back through SPIRIT. Mindfulness and social/emotional intelligence awareness and training could go a long way in schools for helping children and teachers develop real school SPIRIT.
Feeling and living the truth of school SPIRIT and what really matters will help build confidence, which is another factor in resilience. Confidence comes from Latin and means “with faith” or “in full trust” (etymonline.com) When confidence comes from SPIRIT, it is not aggressive or boastful or narcissistic. It means that you fully trust your heart and are faithfully executing and putting into best practice what is truly in your heart and that aligns with the intentions and integrity of your True Self.
Essential questions for RESILIENCE:
(applicable to self, students, parents, colleagues and all humans on journey of lifelong learning)
What makes me feel happy? Why?
What makes me feel unhappy? Why?
Where do I go, what do I do and with whom when I feel happy? Why?
Where do I go, what do I do and with whom when I feel unhappy? Why?
How do I feel about change or things that are unexpected? Why?
What emotions come up for me when things are not “going my way”?
What do I tell myself when things are not “going my way”? Why?
How do I feel when I make a mistake?
What do I tell myself when I make a mistake? Why?
How do I feel when I know the answer to a question?
What do I do when I know the answer to a question?
How do I feel when I don’t know the answer to a question?
What do I do when I don’t know the answer to a question?
How do I feel when I get a bad grade or negative feedback? Why?
What do I do when I get a bad grade or negative feedback? Why?
What am I resisting and struggling with in my life? Why?
Who am I resisting and struggling with in my life? Why?
When do I “recoil” and jump back?
When do I feel most frustrated? Why?
What do I do when I feel frustrated? Why?
What can I do to feel less frustrated?
When do I feel most afraid? Why?
What do I do when I feel afraid? Why?
What can I do to feel less afraid?
When do I feel anxious? Why?
What do I do when I feel anxious? Why?
What can I do to feel less anxious?
What makes me worry? Why?
What do I do when I worry? Why?
What can I do to worry less?
When do I feel calm and confident? Why?
What do I do when I feel calm and confident?
What does courage look like for me? Why?
What does curiosity look like for me? Why?
What does adventure look like for me? Why?
Affirmations, cheers, “Can Do” Statements
for the “Common Core” Belief of RESILIENCE:
I am mindful of my feelings in every moment.
I do not shrink, hide or run away from that which makes me feel uncomfortable.
When I feel stuck/afraid/angry (name the emotion), I pause and check in with my gut.
When I don’t know an answer, I allow myself to be curious and explore.
When I don’t have a solution to a problem, I allow myself to be curious and explore
all possibilities.
There are as many solutions to problems as there are people in the world.
I am not the labels and the limitations that have been placed on me by others or by
“the voice in my head”.
I break the bondage of limiting beliefs that hold me back and hold me down.
I am always rising and becoming the greatest version of myself.
I am free to be me in all my choices.
I give myself permission to be imperfect and vulnerable.
I follow my heart to make the best choices for me.
I trust my heart and the light that it shines on my true pathway.
I do great things when I find the courage to just be me.
I have the power and wisdom inside me to create my own pathway.
I am creative and create my own reality.
I release all pain and suffering in order to create hope.
Hope is the healing salve that I apply to all my emotional cuts and bruises.
I use hope to heal my heart and the hearts of others.
“There is no place like home,” and I am always wearing my “ruby slippers”.
I am here to share my gifts with the world to make it a better place.
I will always “dream impossible dreams” and fight the “windmills” in my mind.
There are no limits to the possibilities.
All possibilities flow through SPIRIT.
Every day is a gift of adventure to be curious and explore all possibilities.
My Faithful Attempt In Learning can be found in every FAILure.
For every mis-take, there is another opportunity to do it over and make it better.
Every experience I have is here to teach me something.
Everyone I know is here to teach me something.
I am open to learning and growing.
With each step I take, I am growing into the all that I am meant to be.
I let go and let it flow from my heart and my True Self.
YES, I CAN!