Compassion
What is the difference between empathy, sympathy and compassion?
Which is more important in the classroom, in our home, in the world…in life?
Take a look at the etymology of the three words below, and decide which you think is most important and most needed in the classroom today.
empathy – from Greek empatheia, “passion” or “state of emotion”
sympathy – from Late Latin sympathia, “community of feeling” or “fellow feelings”
compassion – from Late Latin compati, “with pity” or “suffer together”
Do a search on the three, and you will get a myriad of definitions and interpretations.
Nonetheless, they are all intertwined and an essential part of the human heart, in making connections, in nurturing relationships and in supporting personal growth.
Let’s first look at empathy vs. sympathy, which many consider to be the same.
According to the research of Dr. Brené Brown, “empathy fuels connection, sympathy drives disconnection.”
With empathy, we see and feel the vulnerability in the other person and, as a result, offer them our presence, understanding and love. There is no judgment, just a sensation in the body that says, “I feel your pain and suffering, and you are not alone.”
With sympathy, we see the pain and try to fix it or offer up a “silver lining” by often starting off with the expression, “well, at least…”.
Sympathy in the classroom looks like this:
Teacher A says, “OMG, I am so upset! My kids did really poorly on that test. I don’t understand what happened. We all worked so hard, and they seemed to understand.”
Teacher B says, “Yeah, I know what you mean. My kids did poorly too, but I’m not going to let it upset me. My kids are just lazy and don’t do what they are supposed to do.”
Empathy in the classroom looks like this:
Teacher A says, “OMG, I am so upset!. My kids did really poorly on that test. I don’t understand what happened. We all worked so hard, and they seemed to understand.”
Teacher B says, “Yeah, I feel that way too. I completely understand what you mean. My kids did poorly too, and I am still trying to figure out what we could have done differently too.”
It seems to me that the entire teaching profession, on the inside and the outside, has an overabundance of sympathy and not enough empathy.
It seems everyone has a solution of what to do, how to fix the broken system, and magically make teachers and students happy and whole again.
From the outside looking in to the classroom:
Teacher: I am so exhausted. I am working so hard and can barely stay afloat.
Parent/community: Well, at least you have your summers off, and you can rest then.
Teacher: I am struggling to make ends meet for my family on a teacher’s salary.
Parent/community: Hmmmm, maybe you could not spend so much money on supplies
for your classroom or give up that latté on your way to school.
I invite you all, especially if you are a teacher, to listen to the conversations going on in the classroom and outside the classroom. They could be in emails, casual conversations at the grocery store, gossip at a party or a sporting event…anywhere interpersonal communication is happening.
Write them down for more impact to your heart because some of them are horrific, unfair, unfounded and trauma-inducing!
So, where does compassion come in?
According to Brené Brown, “compassion is a belief system that we have to commit to as to how we are going to treat ourselves and others.”
Furthermore, she adds that “compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It is a relationship between equals that becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”
In other words, we put ourselves in the other person’s shoes, consider our shared humanity and respond from there…usually with the Golden Rule in mind.
The conversations like the ones above could actually be “taken up a notch” to a level of compassion.
Teacher A says, “OMG, my kids did really poorly on that test. I don’t understand what happened. We all worked so hard, and they seemed to understand.”
Teacher B says, “I hear you, and I feel that way too. I completely understand what you mean. My kids did poorly too, and I am still trying to figure out what we could have done differently too. Things are just really hard right now, and I’m struggling with what to do differently next time so that the kids do better. Maybe we can take a look at it together and come up with some ideas that will work for both of us.”
Feel it from the heart, be willing to be vulnerable and see yourself in the other person.
Sometimes compassion is just listening with your heart, feeling the shared humanity, then, saying nothing. Or maybe just reach out to make a comforting connection with a gesture like a hug or a warm smile or holding their hand.
What does compassion look like in the classroom?
***Unlike those in the past that I separated out by teacher and student, these look the same as a result of our shared humanity…I see the myself in you and you see yourself in me.
A teacher and a student who see their own vulnerability and humanity and sees it in the other too.
A teacher and a student who recognize that we are all human beings, and as a result, should not expect 100% and perfection in all that they do.
A teacher and student who don’t expect each other to have all of the right answers or to know everything.
A teacher and a student who value the relationship with each other and seek to understand why a certain behavior is what it is in order to better understand it and respond from a place of loving kindness.
A teacher and a student who respects the boundaries of the other as well as their own boundaries in order to maintain a healthy balance in the expectations and interactions of the relationship.
A teacher and a student who follow the Golden Rule and do unto the other as they would like to have done unto them.
The spiritual leader, Ram Daas, said that “the greatest act of compassion is practicing loving kindness”. So, let’s add some of that into our daily lesson/action plans.
Suggestion: Add this to your lesson plans every day:
Today, COMPASSION visited my classroom, and it looked like this:
As a teacher:
1.
2.
3.
As a student:
1.
2.
3.
Here are a few resources to help you become more enlightened and empowered to bring more COMPASSION into your classroom:
https://brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms/
https://brenebrown.com/videos/rsa-short-empathy/
https://chopra.com/articles/whats-the-difference-between-empathy-sympathy-and-compassion
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/six_habits_of_highly_compassionate_people
https://www.mindful.org/how-to-be-more-compassionate-a-mindful-guide-to-compassion/
https://www.edutopia.org/article/value-compassion-teaching
Inspirational Songs Playlist:
http://www.mindfulteachers.org/2015/12/songs-about-compassion.html
Photo credit:
“Heart Art in Puyallup, Washington” by Nancy D. Regan is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0
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