What is the difference between empathy, sympathy and compassion?
Which is more important in the classroom, in our home, in the world…in life?
Take a look at the etymology of the three words below, and decide which you think is most important and most needed in the classroom today.
empathy – from Greek empatheia, “passion” or “state of emotion”
sympathy – from Late Latin sympathia, “community of feeling” or “fellow feelings”
compassion – from Late Latin compati, “with pity” or “suffer together”
Do a search on the three, and you will get a myriad of definitions and interpretations.
Nonetheless, they are all intertwined and an essential part of the human heart, in making connections, in nurturing relationships and in supporting personal growth.
Let’s first look at empathy vs. sympathy, which many consider to be the same.
According to the research of Dr. Brené Brown,
“empathy fuels connection, sympathy drives disconnection.”
With empathy, we see and feel the vulnerability in the other person and, as a result, offer them our presence, understanding and love. There is no judgment, just a sensation in the body that says, “I feel your pain and suffering, and you are not alone.”
With sympathy, we see the pain and try to fix it or offer up a “silver lining” by often starting off with the expression, “well, at least…”.
Sympathy in the classroom looks like this:
Teacher A says, “OMG, I am so upset! My kids did really poorly on that test. I don’t understand what happened. We all worked so hard, and they seemed to understand.”
Teacher B says, “Yeah, I know what you mean. My kids did poorly too, but I’m not going to let it upset me. My kids are just lazy and don’t do what they are supposed to do.”
Empathy in the classroom looks like this:
Teacher A says, “OMG, I am so upset!. My kids did really poorly on that test. I don’t understand what happened. We all worked so hard, and they seemed to understand.”
Teacher B says, “Yeah, I feel that way too. I completely understand what you mean. My kids did poorly too, and I am still trying to figure out what we could have done differently too.”
It seems to me that the entire teaching profession, on the inside and the outside, has an overabundance of sympathy and not enough empathy.
It seems everyone has a solution of what to do, how to fix the broken system, and magically make teachers and students happy and whole again.
From the outside looking in to the classroom:
Teacher: I am so exhausted. I am working so hard and can barely stay afloat.
Parent/community: Well, at least you have your summers off, and you can rest then.
Teacher: I am struggling to make ends meet for my family on a teacher’s salary.
Parent/community: Hmmmm, maybe you could not spend so much money on supplies
for your classroom or give up that latté on your way to school.
I invite you all, especially if you are a teacher, to listen to the conversations going on in the classroom and outside the classroom. They could be in emails, casual conversations at the grocery store, gossip at a party or a sporting event…anywhere interpersonal communication is happening.
Write them down for more impact to your heart because some of them are horrific, unfair, unfounded and trauma-inducing!
So, where does compassion come in?
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